Addicted to Hockey? Playoffs edition

Now that we've gotten the quarterfinals out of the way, and another eight teams are done for the year, it's time for a checkup. Extra pressure comes with the playoffs and we need to see whether you're up to snuff to handle the head games.

Every pass, every open-ice check and every draw, won or lost, can prove to be the deciding moment not just in a series, but in a Stanley Cup-winning season as well. This goes far beyond the normal gut-check time. This is ice-water-in-the-veins time.

If you've got game, and you're not so sure that you're addicted to hockey, just ask yourself these questions:

~ Have you made travel arrangements (airfare, four-star hotels, tickets and a luxury rental car) to attend the 2007 NHL Draft on June 22-23 at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio?

~ Do you understand the implications that shaving your playoff beard will have on your favorite team? Even if it is itchy, it must remain until you're team is eliminated. No round-to-round beards are allowed.

~ Did you call your local tattoo artist and set an appointment in late June to have the Stanley Cup inked on a conspicuous part of your body?

~ In a moment of passion brought out by a sudden-death overtime goal, did you ask your significant other to marry you? Uh-oh. Check the tape. Maybe there was a whistle.

~ Have you ever professed that the Tampa Bay Lightning handed goalie Marc Denis a raw deal? I'd be more worried about Johan Holmqvist leaving, if I were you.

~ Do you really believe that Ottawa has a chance to win the Cup?

~ Is your architect planning an addition to your house so you can show off the fruits of another season of hounding? Or does it mean another couple trips to your climate-controlled, top-floor storage unit?

~ Have you worn makeup, a blue frizzle-haired wig and an adult cow costume to a game? Nope, wait. I'm sorry. That's how one fan was dressed for this past Sunday's Cleveland Indians-Tampa Bay Devils Rays game. Still, though, have you?

~ Have you ever wondered why it's nearly next-to-impossible to find NHL team linen sets to fit a king-size bed? Queen sizes? There's no shortage. Full sets are available, too. No king sizes, though. Go figure.

~ Is your Great Dane named Marty? Got a chihuahua named Chara?

~ Do you believe that it's possible to get Pittsburgh's Sidney Crosby, Marc-Andre Fleury, Evgeni Malkin and Jordan Staal to sign pucks in a single hounding trip? Training camp, maybe. On the road? Forget it.

~ Will you subscribe to cable's NHL Center Ice package next season? Given the lack of pregame and postgame shows as well as no repeats of the games, I'm crossing off my name from the subscriber list.

And, in tribute to the Bluebird Bakery, a aromatic memory of my childhood growing up in Buffalo's west side, here's a 13th question -- a baker's dozen, if you will -- to determine whether you're addicted to hockey:

~ Like me, do you believe that 1,275 autographed pucks provides a solid foundation for a truly impressive collection?

Labels: , ,


Post a Comment

<< Home