Don't let the door hit you, Domi

Through his career, former NHL enforcer Tahir "Tie" Domi has been called lots of things. Tough guy. Fan favorite. An instigator. A good teammate.

I'm sorry, but I have never been able to call him anything but a useless, oxygen-stealing thug. I'm tickled he finally stopped denying a deserving Toronto Maple Leafs prospect a chance at the National Hockey League when, after the team bought out the final year of his contract, the chucklehead announced yesterday that he was, indeed, retiring.

I must admit, though, that I wouldn't mind seeing someone give Domi one final shot in the chops. Then again, maybe the Leafs will bring Bob Probert or Marty McSorley in for a ceremonial beating on opening night.

Thankfully, I live in the states and won't have to see his ugly mug working as a broadcaster for TSN in Canada. I wonder, though, how many Toronto-area telephone books they'll need to get his head and shoulders above the desk.

For the record, Domi scored 245 points and 3,515 penalty minutes (third overall in league history) in 1,020 regular-season games while playing for the Winnipeg Jets, New York Rangers and the Leafs.

What I'll remember him most for were some bush-league moments. In his earlier days, he'd celebrate scoring a goal by riding his stick. Then, in a game against New Jersey, he knocked out all-world defenseman Scott Niedermayer with a cheap-shot elbow to the melon.

And who can forget the infamous "water bottle" incident in Philly? Sitting in the penalty box for one of his many stupid penalties, Domi took exception to a fan's heckling and squirted water on him. Then, when the fan came crashing in when the glass gave way, Domi couldn't resist the urge to pop the fan a few times.

I'm certain he'll be glorified in Toronto. Good for him. Just as long as he stays there.